We arrived home on Tuesday evening and it is now Friday evening. I have tried to pack and do things in a calm way so that we can set off in a festive-ish mood, but as usual, the whole business of going away is clouded by J's mood. He hates the preparation for going away so I have done as much as I can, but he is still ratty in mood, angry, depressed, stressed by things he hasn;t done and I have had to bear the brunt of all of this. Everything I say is greeted by anger or rage, which is so hurtful. I have had enough hurtful things said this year, I have heard enough lies about myself to last me a lifetime, and I don;t want to deal with this ever again. So I am writing this, so that when we next discuss going away, apart from a long weekend at a Travelodge, we don;t go. We don;t need to go - we have the flat in Leeds, and that gives us enough freedom, so this will be the last major holiday I organise. Period.
I don't need the hurt, I don't need the depression, I certainly don't need the extra hassle of washing and ironing and packing. I am fine with the two places and travelodges. I will not go away on a proper "holiday" again. I am writing this here so that I remember because I am prone to forgive and forget, and I don't want to have to do this again. I am in pain in my heart of hearts. Its not fair.
ps IT WAS WORTH IT!!!!! We had a great holiday and I loved Nerja and the views from the hotel - just a bad week. By the time we were packed and ready to go - all was well. I spent the last day before we went at a scrapbooking crop and did 6 layouts in the 12 hours (it was an ALL DAY crop for Xmas!!) and then came home and shut the suitcases. Look at the photos......of course I will do it again!!
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