Sunday, 31 August 2014

In the midst of life...

Joseph's Auntie Muriel died last week and we are to attend her funeral next Monday. She was a lovely old lady, big smile, big hearted up to the end and I am sure she will be missed. Joseph's mum is looking so frail and so is Lily despite her brave protestations that all is well.

At least they are old ladies!

Tomorrow would have been Glyn's birthday, his 67th. I always wonder what he would make of the world we live in now, because even in the time since he died in 2004 the world has changed almost beyond recognition. Politics would dismay him, technology would astound him, the state of the world would make him despair. I cannot think of what he would say about anything current and that makes me sad. Once I would have known how he might respond. These days I just lack either information or imagination. That upsets me because we were together for nearly 30 years, and that ought to mean that I knew him well enough.

Its that old teaser, time. Edges blur, focus shifts, it is impossible to play the "what if" game anymore. I don't know whether that is somehow something lacking in me, or whether that is just a feature of being a survivor of widowhood. Being remarried might have something to do with a change of perspective, a chance to re-evaluate. I feel as though not ten but tens of years have passed me by. I can't get a grip of what I am supposed to do with this gift of extra time.

I wonder whether its my fault, or whether the fault lies in the fact that we are out and about so often and I get so exhausted? I don't know. But surely I can find the path I should be taking? After all this time, after all these years?

Anyway. Happy birthday Glyn. Not forgotten today or any day.