Saturday, 8 January 2011

Another snowy day.....

This winter seems to have gone on forever - and it's only January 8th! First of all snow and ice, then Joseph having shingles and flu, and Cris coming and going and coming and going all in the space of three weeks, and now snow again. I am fighting against feeling ill myself - not entirely sure whether I am coming down with something or not, but just generally under the weather.

I think I need to set myself a project that I can actually start and finish quickly. I have several things ongoing but want to get to the end of something. Perhaps painting fabric and embroidering trees would be do-able? I need a break from all the heavy reading I have set myself. Philosophy takes no prisoners..the reading is tough, the ideas totally contradictory so that in one minute I can think one thing and in the next a totally opposite thought, equally convincing. But I am enjoying it, just tired for the moment and needing to refresh myself with something slightly easier - a silly film, an easy book, a trip to the shops (craft shop??) or something similar.

We are off to Nerja in three weeks. The temperature there was 17degrees today. And sunshine...It will be cold at nights and in the mountains but I am looking forward to my holiday. Even a retired person needs a holiday - and we are so fortunate to be able to do this. I am painfully aware of the many people struggling to live let alone go on holidays. I wasn;t able to do so when Glyn was alive and the kids were small.

My son is on the Aurora and has sailed from Lisbon today. Next stop - Tripoli. Alright for some. I would love to see the places he is seeing - even photos would do. But, somehow, he never quite got round to sharing those with us this holiday. It was a strange and tense time and spoilt Christmas. Never mind - better next year I hope.

I spotted this book at Salts Mill yesterday and liked the look of it. I might have a look on Amazon to see if they have a copy. I also saw a book about mixed media dollshouses made in boxes - cigar boxes, shoe boxes etc. They were like altered books mixed up with assemblage. Great fun but not for now.

Thursday, 6 January 2011

New Year photos.

 I took this photo through the car window - I have some more of the wonderful winter sky and bare trees outlined against it. I want to pain some fabric and embroider black trees onto it. Thats my next project - when I have finished the UFOs I am dealing with at present!!

This is my son enjoying(!) having lunch with me. Nothing more to say really.....

I have learnt to crochet - and I have finished my scarf - I need to finish the ends, and I think I will give it some tassels. Its lovely and warm. And its my first attempt!! I am quite proud of myself for learning to do this so late in the day.

Got this from son for my birthday present - a blue and white bonsai lamp - and I love it. Place of honour......
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Here comes 2011!

Well, I am 59 now and next December I will have my big birthday. I want this to be a year of achievement. I do not want to spend the time peering over my shoulder at what might have been, what should or could have been, whats been lost or what I might lose. I have enough problems dealing with health issues and I want to try to be positive. Its not easy. Blood tests, pain, medication, more pain...

Add to that my kids, and their uncompromisingly awkward relationship with me and with Joseph who they cannot accept as my husband, and sometimes my world feels quite hostile. I am not asking them to think of Joseph as their Dad - he is dead and gone and cannot be replaced, but Joseph is my most beloved husband now, and I might have hoped that they would be grateful that he was there for me. I do not understand the substance of their reaction, especially as they have not lived with me for years. I haven't understood them since I was first married in 2006 and things have not improved.

I need to turn my face fully to my husband, and our future, and my two will have to work things out for themselves. Its time! They are after all 31 and 26 now.

And now to my personal hopes and resolutions for 2011.

1. I want to work at my philosophy course and try to learn the vocabulary and really get to grips with the topics.

2. I want to eat less, walk more, lose a little weight to help my back and hips, and try to stabilise my health a little. I would like to keep my kidney function from dropping into kidney failure.

3. I want to keep my reading diary this year. I started well last year and forgot!

4. I would like to try and keep creating beautiful things and I don't want to buy any more stuff. I want to use what I have and enjoy it.

5. I would like to get back to playing the piano and finish writing my books of music for kids that I have started. (I am looking forward to getting a keyboard!!)

6. I want to drive again without being frightened.

7. I want to write - every day, somewhere, something
8. I want to try to be optimistic, cheerful, friends with those who need a friend without being desperate for a close friend if none is forthcoming. I do have people who care about me and that is enough.

I think thats enough!! I hope so anyway.