I don't know why, but I am in the middle of a "down" time at the moment. I know its cyclical, that it will go away as it usually does, but whilst I am in the midst of a period of depression I never know when it will lift and am always petrified in case it doesn't this time.
What has brought it on?
I have not seen anyone since we arrived back in Wallasey and all the people I thought were friends appear to have vanished totally. I know the weather has been bad, but not even an email or phone call. I could have fallen off the face of the earth. So that, and not being able to get out last week because of the ice on the pavements here has given me an attack of cabin fever.
I found an old diary entry from around the time that Glyn died and that upset me. I had forgotten how poor we were, how we struggled from week to week to pay bills, whilst sending our kids abroad.
The neuropathy that I suffer from has become almost unendurable of late giving me very very dark and bleak thoughts. Neuropathic pain is indescribable to anyone who does not struggle with it. It eats away ones very soul.....
I am sure I will pick up as the weather improves. But for now - life feels like a brick wall.